


I just wanted to feel something...

by Insomniacs_Unlimited



Series: Stray Kids Hurt/Comforts [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Other, Self-Harm, Seo Changbin is Whipped, changbin is a sweetheart, felix is so sad, im sorry i didnt want him to b sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-30 00:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17818130
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Insomniacs_Unlimited/pseuds/Insomniacs_Unlimited
Summary: Felix felt numb. He wanted to feel again.





	I just wanted to feel something...

**Author's Note:**

> heya so this includes referenced rape and self-harm so if you are uncomfortable with that or if it will trigger you please don't read. Hope you enjoy.

Woojin was hoping and praying Felix wasn’t doing what he thinks he was doing in that bathroom.

“Felix, baby, what happened. You know you don’t need to block me out. Open the door please, honey.”

“I can’t hyung. I just can’t.”

“Honey, you know that if you don’t open the door I’m gonna have to do it myself.”

“Hyung no!”

It was too late. Woojin opened the bathroom door and was greeted by a shaking Felix sitting in the bathtub clad in boxers and a tee shirt holding a blade to his thighs that were already covered in blood. Woojin’s heart broke at the sight. This was what he feared.

“Oh Felix... honey you should have told me it started again.”

“Hyung...”

Felix couldn’t get his words out before he started to cry. He couldn’t believe that his hyung had seen. He couldn’t believe he broke his own promise to tell Woojin if it started again.

Woojin walked over to Felix and took the blade out of his shaking hands and put it out of arms reach on the counter. He then kneeled by the side of the tub and held Felix’s delicate hands.

“Honey, why didn’t you come to hyung? You know I’m always here for you.”

“I couldn’t Hyung I - I just couldn’t. I just wanted to feel something.”

Felix was sobbing now, taking large gasps of air as his hyung tried to reassure him it was ok.

“Shh, honey it’s ok, you’re ok, I love you.”

“Hyung I need Changbin...please I just want him...”

Felix barely managed to get the words out before he started to sob again.

“Shh, ok Hyung will get Changbinnie for you Felix...”

Woojin quickly texted Changbin to get over here now.

Five minutes later but seemed like hours Changbin was in the bathroom holding his boyfriend as he sobbed into his chest. Changbin’s heart broke, but he kept calm for Felix’s sake.

“Shh, baby I’ve got you, you’re ok now, hyung is here now.”

Changbin mouthed, ‘Do we need a hospital or can I just take care of it here’ to Woojin

Woojin mouthed, ‘no you can take care of it from here.”

“Ok thanks Woojin-Hyung” Changbin replied.

After Changbin came, Felix visibly relaxed in his arms, and calmed down enough so he could talk clearly without bursting into tears again.

“Felix, sweetie, can I help you undress so I can run the bath? If you’re uncomfortable with that I will step out.”

“No, it’s ok Binnie-Hyung please just stay.”

Sure Changbin and Felix had seen each other nude before but Felix had issues with being touched due to some unfortunate experiences, so Changbin always wanted to make sure Felix was ok with it first.

Changbin helped Felix out of his shirt, then he silently asked for approval to get him out of his boxers. Felix simply nodded. As Changbin was taking the boxers off, Felix began to shake because it reminded him of some past events.

“Shh, it’s ok sweetheart, I’ll stop, just take your time. Remember love, it’s just me, Changbin.”

“Ok, it’s just you Changbin...you won’t hurt me, right? Please don’t hurt me...”

“Of course not sweetheart, I would never dream of hurting you. Hyung isn’t going to hurt you. Can I start again, love?”

“Ok just finish it please Hyung.”

He never mentioned the lack of honorifics, not that it mattered in this situation. Changbin never broke eye contact with Felix while he was doing this, not even when Felix closed his eyes tightly trying not to relive the past.

Felix was shaking and crying again because it felt so familiar, those hands holding him down, violating him. But then he remembered... it wasn’t Changbin... Changbin would never hurt him. Ever.

“Shh, sweetheart it’s done now, it’s all done, hyung won’t hurt you. Hyung is so proud of you Felix”

When he finished with the boxers and reassured Felix, Changbin kissed Felix’s head and temples.

Changbin started to run the warm water into the tub while Felix slowly stopped shaking.

“Sweetheart, can I sit in the tub with you? If you don’t want me to that’s fine but I need to clean those cuts.”

The cuts. Felix practically forgot the reason he was in this situation in the first place.

“You can come and sit with me Changbin. Don’t hurt me please.”

In Felix’s mind, he knows it’s just Changbin, but he still has he fear of being alone with someone being so intimate. Changbin hates the fact that someone did this to his Felix. He hates the fact that Felix is scared of anyone hurting him no matter how close they may be to him. Once someone tried to back hug him and it set him off so bad that he wouldn’t come from hiding behind Changbin wherever he went for two days. No one could touch him but Changbin since the incident. Felix would never be able to trust anyone the way he used to. So he always tried to reassure Felix that he would never hurt him.

“Never sweetheart. I’d never hurt you.”

Changbin stripped himself of his clothes quickly, and sat behind Felix so he was leaning against Changbin’s chest.

“Felix, can I wipe the blood off you now?”

Felix didn’t talk, he just nodded his head instead. Changbin wiped the blood off of Felix with a small washcloth, soothing Felix whenever he started to shake again. After he finished with the blood, he hugged Felix from behind, kissing the nape of his neck, telling him it would all be ok.

“Sweetheart, I’m gonna get out and get dressed. I’ll bring you clothes in a minute. Ok?”

“Ok Binnie-Hyung”

Changbin grabbed a towel, and quickly wrapped it around his waist so he could go get dressed. He also took the blade and put it somewhere Felix couldn’t find it. Then he came back in sweats and a tee shirt, holding the same items in his hand for Felix, who had taken the opportunity to dry off and wrap himself in a towel.

“Here sweetheart, Just put on the boxers and shirt, ok? I need to bandage the cuts.”

Felix simply nodded his head and got dressed.

“Binnie-Hyung, you can come in now.”

Changbin came inside and bandaged the cuts and when he was done he held Felix’s hands reassuringly.

“Felix. I love you so much. So, so, so much. And I need you. We all need you. You don’t have to talk about this with me now, but you will have to tell me why you started again in the morning. Ok? Let’s go to bed now, yeah?”

“Ok Binnie-Hyung.”

They lied down on Changbin’s bed and he even let Felix cuddle Gyu. Changbin wrapped Felix in his arms and kissed the top of his head. Felix stuck his head in the crook of Changbin’s neck trying to hide from the world.

“Goodnight sweetheart. I love you.”

“I love you too.”


End file.
